Tarun and I are coming up on our 40th anniversary soon. Every time I think of this, the wow factor stuns me and then I settle into the OMG-we-are-old realization. Then, I take stock on how we have converged, diverged, and evolved through the decades.
The first bit was all about convergence. We thought in the same ways, we worked in tandem, and our goals were identical. Having fun was the motto. These years were a bit hedonistic and time flew in the blink of an eye.
The second bit was centered on divergence. The kids came along and we leaned on our individual parenting instincts to muddle through. Most of the time we agreed on child-rearing but we often found ourselves on opoosing ends of the parenting spectrum. We never disagreed in front of the kids because the minions were great at using divergence to their advantage.
The latest bit is evolution. Tarun's adopted some my habits and I've certainly imbued some of his. My neat-freak has influenced him and he has helped me become fiscally mature. These changes didn't come without friction and going out of our comfort zone was difficult. For the health of our relationship and the sanity of the children, we meandered to a happy medium.
Through the years and unbeknownst to me, certain evolutions crept up on me and I became Tarun's weather-checker, shoulder-holder, everything-assembler, ladder-climber, and head-turner.
He looks up the weather on his watch or on the weather channel app and sends me out to confirm the temps and humidity so he can decide what to wear.
When he puts on his shoes, he holds on to my shoulder.
He makes sure all the parts are in the box and then he hollers at me to put the thing together.
If there's a ladder involved, he sends me up with a light bulb, air filter, and paint brush in hand.
For years he has asked me to turn my head to check the blind spot while driving at night even when his car has a blind spot sensor. Go figure! I've quietly obliged because who do you think the car on the right is going to hit if it’s lurking in the blind spot?? This week, Tarun asked me to check in the day time with three cars as far as the eye could see! Whoa, said my brain. Turn your head yourself, I belted. He laughed and said, "It took you a long time to figure this out!"
I can't pinpoint when I started checking the weather for him or allowing him to lean on my shoulder or started putting things together or volunteering to climb or checking the blindspot. But I did. Partly out of love. Partly out of ease. Most certainly out of habit.
I have no doubt we will continue evolving but I am going to be extra vigilant and note everything...shhh!