Reflections from Time and Life

(Apologies, a previous version of this post disappeared without a trace due to a glitch in the platform! Re-publishing with a tweaked title.)

A couple of thought-provoking moments rang bells for me recently. I stumbled on a video of a 92-year-old recounting what she would tell her 60-year-old self and we visited our dear friends who are grieving the loss of their beloved son. The lessons from the nonagenarian and time with our friends helped me reframe my priorities.

On Friendships

As we enter our 60s, loved ones and friends inevitably begin to die. When someone younger goes before us, the trauma is paralyzing. There’s also the challenge of making younger friends as we age, but that is exactly what the nonagenarian and our friends tell us to do to buffer against loss. Our children’s friends are our best bet. There is nothing better than the energy from young people to lift the spirit.

On Being a Safety Net 

There is no doubt we need to be a safety net for our kids and grandkids but unsolicited advice corrodes the tensile strength of the net. This is the hardest lesson to follow. My context is very different from our kids. My lessons and priorities may not be relevant to them. Plus hasn't experience been the best teacher for me and isn’t the natural order for our kids to find their own way? My brain comprehends this fully; my tongue requires constant restraint.

On Health

In our 60s our ailments tend to become chronic. The window on eating well and strengthening our scaffolding closes rapidly in the subsequent years. Ironically, just when I need to focus on eating healthy, sweet and fried foods make my brain euphoric. Overcoming this disconnect takes every bit of focus every single day.

On Aging

Acknowledging that we will be diminished and tackling this fact head on is non-negotiable. Only a lucky few go without a fight and I have done little to deserve this coveted prize. I know I will live till 100. Perhaps the universe needs time to settle my accounts. The wise elder says tackle each day, month, year and decade with purpose so that life doesn’t become a game of catching up on the inevitable. Inspiration from our friends is to find meaning and purpose even when there is every reason to give up.

On Relationships

Now is the time to not leave anything unsaid and to mend relationships. It’s also a time for my better half and me to evolve our relationship as the effects of aging strike us in subtle and jarring ways. Grief adds to the complexity of nurturing our bonds. Nobody I know has escaped grief, some - like our friends - have been struck so deeply that their pain is impossible to fathom. Wisdom from the nonagenarian is to say what needs to be said, to apologize and to right the ship now so we can enter the next inning with peace. Wisdom from our friends is to center ourselves in search of peace and to stop worrying about what others think and do.

We live in a cesspool of fake news and it is impossible to know if this particular nonagenarian is a real person or an AI generated avatar. Regardless, her insights resonate. Our friends are unquestionably real. Their grief is palpable and heartbreaking. Their advice is grounded in reality. Their resilience is inspiring.

May these reflections offer perspective in the coming years. And may the universe bless our friends, hold them gently and grant them peace.