The Secret Recipe

I derive enormous strength from those around me - especially in these divisive times. From our octogenarian friend with the enthusiasm of someone decades younger to friends coping with untold challenges, those aging gracefully and the lifelong learners. They shine the light, reset my outlook and deliver resolve in unexpected ways.

Today, I want to tell you about my friend Carly.

That’s not her real name but it means “strong” which is apropos to who she is. I see her occasionally, and when we do, we connect without missing a beat.

Carly’s childhood was anything but easy. She was pregnant at 14, had her first child at 15 and her second one soon after.

By 18, she was working three jobs when an army recruiter noticed her work ethic. When most of her teenage friends were finding themselves, she left her children with her parents and headed to basic training. She was deployed to Kuwait, Afghanistan and Germany. Her kids were with her parents when she served in combat zones and with her otherwise. While raising her boys, serving, earning a living and caring for her aging parents, she finished college. Now in her 40s, she is in the leadership team for one of the largest and most complex programs in the military. As if that isn’t enough, she also runs a business on the side that requires serious talent and perseverance. And she’s working on a masters to prepare for a post-military career in the civilian world.

Carly is a tough cookie. No-nonsense, driven, demanding. I am not in the least bit surprised at who she has become. What gives me pause is how she saw through the fog at age 14.

Resilience. That’s the name of her game. And she manifests it every single day in a myriad of ways.

At breakfast the other day, we had one-on-one time to talk about the events that have shaped her. While she thoughtfully engaged with the server and me, she candidly told me details of her life - some of which I knew. The sheer number of times she’s had to reach into her reserves or deliver tough love to right her ship is stunning.

While she was talking, my mind was fixated on what gives her this level of can-do? What feeds this well of strength? How does she pick herself up? The simple answer is that she does it because she can.

Success feeds success.

Can-do creates confidence.

Tears fuel resolve.

It’s a self-fulfilling cycle that has required many parts of genetic blessing, support from family and a perhaps a wellspring of grace.

The end result is utterly admirable.

Her challenges are far from over. She has endured deep loss and she navigates demanding relationships daily. Despite that she continues to care for herself in ways that matter. What would leave me traumatized only seems to energize her.

My admiration for Carly is sky high for good reason. I hope she keeps dodging, soaring and achieving and may her challenges be offset by the joy she brings everyone around her. I cannot wait to see her shine decades into the future and to be counted as her friend.

Carly, you elevate “Yes I can” to a whole new level with your very own secret recipe and a million dollar smile!