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The Collective Force

My mother was the most organized person in the entire universe. Everything in her closet, night stands and dresser was purposefully lined, stacked and hung. Not just that, she organized in color coded order when necessary. The rest of the house was equally ship shape. In her inspector general avatar, she would come into my room and my brother’s room and send our teenage angst through the roof.


All my life, I made time to do what she needed: straighten the photo frames on the wall, move the table here or there, put the clothes in the closet and so on. Of course I grumbled. Now, I miss her so much.


Nothing irked her more than when we left our stuff in a haphazard manner anywhere in the house. She would call for us immediately as if she had a sixth sense of our misdoings.


On a recent trip back to my hometown, we stayed in Ma's room. Exhausted from two days of long haul travel, we left our things strewn on the tables and chairs in the room. The suitcases were randomly stacked against walls, shoes were piled in a corner, clothes were thrown on a chair. Messy was the operative word. As we got ready to turn in, Tarun and I saw the state of her room, then looked at each other and thought: ugh, this will really make Ma sad in the great beyond!


In the biting cold of the north Indian winter, we jumped out of bed and tidied the room. We could hear her voice in our heads directing us. Put the luggage in the walk-in closet, fold the clothes and put them away, line up the shoes, tuck the wires properly and stack your travel documents neatly.


As we turned in, we said a prayer to her and knew in our hearts that we made her happy.


It’s a wonder how our dearly departed continue to influence us long after they have gone. On the scale of belief in after life versus an instant and absolute end, the brain knows it all ends but the heart continues to hold out hope that our loved ones have found peace in an idyllic meadow full of gorgeous flowers, a mild breeze, bright sun and perfect temperature. That brings us peace.


Part of the reason we forced ourselves to be more organized in Ma’s room was not to disturb her in this beautiful place where we imagine she’s chilling with her loved ones and my in-laws.



And then there is Tara.


She is our beloved family cook. She spent several decades with Ma and continues to care for the family. Tara is petrified of ghosts and won’t hang out in Ma’s room alone for fear of otherworldly visits.


Since Ma wasn’t mobile for months before she passed and was mostly confined to room, Tara believes that is the only room Ma might visit. To tease her, my nephew told her that Ma has full mobility in heaven and is capable of visiting Tara in any room. We could feel Tara shudder as she processed this information! It took her a minute to grasp that we were pulling her leg and then we all laughed so hard our sides hurt. Ma would have laughed too!


This reminded me of the cartoon I saw where a ghost was hovering over a bed politely asking the scared resident: I am so sorry to bother you but could I please have the wifi password?


Ma won’t care for the password. Instead, she will give us instruction on how to organize our lives and our things! My MIL will ask if we are staying in touch with family and friends. My Dad will advise us about the latest gadgets and my FIL will ask for afternoon tea at 4pm sharp. My brother will definitely ask for the password, tell us how to configure our devices, solve our health issues and make hilarious observations about us from the other side.


If their collective force makes us do the right thing, keeps us current, binds us, helps us keep time, forces self-care then more power to them. When they influence us in their particular and eccentric ways, it will all be worth it to wake up in the middle of a freezing night to align ourselves with the way life was and remind us of how life should be.


(Image is AI generated by canva.com)



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1 Comment


malavikaburgula
Jan 18

What a lovely way to remember the family that leaves us and their presence is still so palpable. This touched me so much today, my Baba's 4th anniversary. Enjoy your time in India Rumy, Tarun! Meet you in Mysore next visit, I continue to be in Hyderabad

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